Everything We Give_A Novel Read online

  PRAISE FOR KERRY LONSDALE

  Everything We Keep

  A TOP AMAZON BESTSELLER OF 2016 AND WALL STREET JOURNAL BESTSELLER

  AMAZON CHARTS BESTSELLER

  LIZ & LISA BEST BOOK OF THE MONTH SELECTION

  POPSUGAR AND REDBOOK FALL MUST-READ SELECTION

  “This fantastic debut is glowing with adrenaline-inducing suspense and unexpected twists. Don’t make other plans when you open up Everything We Keep; you will devour it in one sitting.”

  —Redbook magazine

  “Aimee’s electrifying journey to piece together the puzzle of mystery surrounding her fiancé’s disappearance is a heart-pounding reading experience every hopeless romantic and shock-loving fiction-lover should treat themselves to.”

  —POPSUGAR

  “You’ll need an ample supply of tissues and emotional strength for this one . . . From Northern California author Kerry Lonsdale comes a heart-wrenching story about fate sweeping away life in an instant.”

  —Sunset magazine

  “Gushing with adrenaline-inducing plot, this is the phenomenally written debut every fall reader will be swooning over.”

  —Coastal Living

  “A beautifully crafted novel about unconditional love, heartbreak, and letting go, Everything We Keep captures readers with its one-of-a-kind, suspenseful plot. Depicting grief and loss, but also healing and hope in their rawest forms, this novel will capture hearts and minds, keeping readers up all night, desperate to learn the truth.”

  —RT Book Reviews

  “A perfect page-turner for summer.”

  —Catherine McKenzie, bestselling author of Hidden and Fractured

  “Heartfelt and suspenseful, Everything We Keep beautifully navigates the deep waters of grief, and one woman’s search to reconcile a past she can’t release, and a future she wants to embrace. Lonsdale’s writing is crisp and effortless and utterly irresistible—and her expertly layered exploration of the journey from loss to renewal is sure to make this a book club must-read. Everything We Keep drew me in from the first page and held me fast all the way to its deeply satisfying ending.”

  —Erika Marks, author of The Last Treasure

  “In Everything We Keep, Kerry Lonsdale brilliantly explores the grief of loss, if we can really let go of our great loves, and if some secrets are better left buried. With a good dose of drama, a heart-wrenching love story, and the suspense of unanswered questions, Lonsdale’s layered and engrossing debut is a captivating read.”

  —Karma Brown, bestselling author of Come Away with Me

  “A stunning debut with a memorable twist, Everything We Keep effortlessly layers family secrets into a suspenseful story of grief, love, and art. This is a gem of a book.”

  —Barbara Claypole White, bestselling author of The Perfect Son and The Promise Between Us

  “Everything We Keep takes your breath from the very first line and keeps it through a heart-reeling number of twists and turns. Well-plotted, with wonderful writing and pacing, on the surface it appears to be a story of love and loss, but just as you begin to think you’ve worked it out, you’re blindsided and realize you haven’t. It will keep you reading and guessing, and trust me, you still won’t have it figured out. Not until the very end.”

  —Barbara Taylor Sissel, bestselling author of The Truth We Bury and What Lies Below

  “Wow—it’s been a long time since I ignored all of my responsibilities and read a book straight through, but it couldn’t be helped with Everything We Keep. I was intrigued from the start . . . So many questions, and Lonsdale answers them in the most intriguing and captivating way possible.”

  —Camille Di Maio, author of The Memory of Us

  All the Breaking Waves

  AN AMAZON BEST BOOK OF THE MONTH: LITERATURE & FICTION CATEGORY

  LIZ & LISA BEST BOOK OF THE MONTH SELECTION

  “Blending elements of magic and mystery, All the Breaking Waves is a compelling portrayal of one mother’s journey as she grapples with her small daughter’s horrific visions that force her to confront a haunting secret from her past. Examining issues of love, loss, and the often-fragile ground of relationships and forgiveness, this tenderly told story will have you turning the pages long past midnight.”

  —Barbara Taylor Sissel, bestselling author of The Truth We Bury and What Lies Below

  “With a touch of the paranormal, All the Breaking Waves is an emotional story about lost love, family secrets, and finding beauty in things people fear . . . or simply discard. A perfect book club pick!”

  —Barbara Claypole White, bestselling author of The Perfect Son and The Promise Between Us

  “A masterful tale of magic realism and family saga. With its heartfelt characters, relationships generational and maternal, and a long-ago romance, we are drawn into Molly’s world. While her intuitive gifts may be ethereal, her fears and hopes for her daughter and personal desires are extraordinarily relatable. Woven with a thread of pure magic, Lonsdale crafts an intriguing story of love, mystery, and family loyalty that will captivate and entertain readers.”

  —Laura Spinella, bestselling author of Ghost Gifts

  Everything We Left Behind

  AMAZON CHARTS AND WALL STREET JOURNAL BESTSELLER

  AMAZON EDITORS’ RECOMMENDED BEACH READ

  A LIZ & LISA BEST BOOK OF THE MONTH SELECTION

  “In this suspenseful sequel to Everything We Keep . . . readers will be captivated as the truth unravels, hanging on every word.”

  —RT Book Reviews

  “A stunning fusion of suspense, family drama, and redemption, Everything We Left Behind will hold the reader spellbound to the last sentence.”

  —A. J. Banner, #1 Kindle and USA Today bestselling author of The Twilight Wife and The Good Neighbor

  “Love, loss, and secrets drive Kerry Lonsdale’s twisty follow-up to the bestselling Everything We Keep. Everything We Left Behind is an enthralling and entertaining read. You’ll be turning the pages as fast as you can to see how it ends.”

  —Liz Fenton and Lisa Steinke, authors of The Good Widow

  “While Everything We Left Behind, the long-anticipated sequel to Everything We Keep, is page-turning and suspenseful, at its center it is the story of a man struggling to discover the truth of his own identity. A man who is determined above all else to protect his family, a man who is willing to risk everything to find out the truth and to ultimately uncover the secrets of his own heart. For everyone who has read Everything We Keep (if you haven’t go do that now!), this is your novel, answering every question, tying up every thread to an oh-so-satisfying conclusion.”

  —Barbara Taylor Sissel, bestselling author of The Truth We Bury and What Lies Below

  “With one smart, unexpected twist after another, this page-turner is as surprising as it is emotionally insightful. Everything We Left Behind showcases Kerry Lonsdale at the top of her game.”

  —Camille Pagán, bestselling author of Life and Other Near-Death Experiences

  “Told through a unique perspective, Everything We Left Behind is a compelling story about one man’s journey to find himself in the wake of trauma, dark secrets, and loss. As past and present merge, he struggles to confront fear and find trust, but two constants remain: his love for his young sons and his need to protect them from danger. This novel has everything—romance, suspense, mystery, family drama. What a page-turner!”

  —Barbara Claypole White, bestselling author of The Perfect Son and The Promise Between Us

  ALSO BY KERRY LONSDALE

  The Everything Series

  Everything We Keep

  Everything We Left Behind

  Stand-Alone

  All the Breaking Waves

 
; This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Text copyright © 2018 by Kerry Lonsdale Inc.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

  Published by Lake Union Publishing, Seattle

  www.apub.com

  Amazon, the Amazon logo, and Lake Union Publishing are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates.

  ISBN-13: 9781503902312

  ISBN-10: 1503902315

  Cover design by Damon Freeman

  For my readers:

  Because of you, Ian has a story.

  #grateful

  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER 1 IAN

  CHAPTER 2 IAN

  CHAPTER 3 IAN, AGE NINE

  CHAPTER 4 IAN

  CHAPTER 5 IAN

  CHAPTER 6 IAN, AGE NINE

  CHAPTER 7 IAN

  CHAPTER 8 IAN

  CHAPTER 9 IAN, AGE ELEVEN

  CHAPTER 10 AIMEE

  CHAPTER 11 AIMEE

  CHAPTER 12 IAN, AGE ELEVEN

  CHAPTER 13 IAN

  CHAPTER 14 IAN

  CHAPTER 15 IAN, AGE TWELVE

  CHAPTER 16 AIMEE

  CHAPTER 17 IAN

  CHAPTER 18 IAN, AGE TWELVE

  CHAPTER 19 IAN

  CHAPTER 20 IAN

  CHAPTER 21 IAN, AGE THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER 22 IAN

  CHAPTER 23 IAN

  CHAPTER 24 IAN, AGE THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER 25 IAN

  CHAPTER 26 IAN, AGE FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER 27 AIMEE

  CHAPTER 28 IAN

  CHAPTER 29 AIMEE

  CHAPTER 30 IAN

  CHAPTER 31 IAN

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  CHAPTER 1

  IAN

  Almost any guy can credit at least one woman who influenced the man he is today. I have two. One adores me and the other deserted me. Both have shaped me. And both have made a lasting impact on my photography.

  Because of my mom, Sarah, I gave up my aspirations of becoming a photojournalist. It’s not easy for me to admit, but it’s difficult to pursue an assignment through the Associated Press when you can’t bring yourself to snap a photo of a human being suffering. But thanks to my wife, Aimee, opening my eyes to the more idyllic side of humanity, my photography no longer focuses solely on nature and wildlife. It has evolved to include a human element, and has been featured in magazines the likes of Discover and Outside.

  Despite the yin and yang effect these two women have had on my life and the trauma that set me on a career path I hadn’t intended to take in my youth, I still arrived at my original destination: that of an award-winning photographer.

  As for the women? I love them both.

  I remove the last of my photos, this one titled Synchronicity, at the Wendy V. Yee Gallery to make room for my friend Erik Ridley’s upcoming exhibit. The image is of an aloitador, one of several horse handlers, launching over a sea of wild Galician horses packed into the village’s curro, a small, circular arena. Dusty and sweaty, his arms defined with sinewy muscle, the Spanish horse handler has one goal in mind: land on the horse’s back and manage it to stillness.

  I captured the shot last July at the Rapa das bestas, an ancient “shearing of the beasts” ritual that occurs annually in the northwestern region of Spain. Wendy describes the photo to prospective buyers as a riveting example of man in sync with beast. It’s one of many I submitted to National Geographic last month when Erik heard of the magazine’s interest in publishing an article about the Rapa. Erik introduced me to the photo editor, Al Foster, and I’ve just concluded a call with him. Al accepted my proposal. My work will be featured in an upcoming issue, and if I’m lucky, I’ll nab the issue’s cover.

  Dream. Come. True.

  I fist-pump the air, then lean Synchronicity against the wall with the other photos to be boxed and held in storage during the special exhibit.

  “That’s the last of them,” I tell Wendy, making my way over to her desk. Her assistant, Braxton, is still out with the flu so Wendy had called me to help prep the gallery for Erik’s showing by taking down my work and putting up his.

  Wendy and I have known each other since our time at Arizona State University when we both realized we weren’t cut out for photojournalism. Wendy discovered she was better at selling photos than developing film, and my inner demons still waged their war. Landscape photography was safe and I was good at it. Besides, a waterfall had yet to lunge at me and smack the equipment from my hands.

  Wendy looks up at me from where she leans over her desk. “I have one more for you.” She points her pen at a photo I’d hung on the far side of the gallery, a monochrome in gray of an Indonesian palm forest. Swooping patterns etch numerous acres across the panoramic shot. The design is almost beautiful until you realize forests have been decimated to supply the demand for palm oil, as noted on the placard Wendy had me post alongside the photo. Erik’s work is edgy in his attempt to portray the harsh reality of destruction happening to natural environments from the impact of human consumption. The upcoming exhibit, a photographic retrospective, is daring compared with previous shows Wendy has hosted and exactly what she wanted when I referred Erik to her.

  “The show must make an impact. I want visitors to feel the devastation Erik portrays, but we must still strike a balance in its presentation. I’m thinking more color.” Wendy jiggles the computer mouse. The monitor brightens, displaying Erik’s portfolio. She scrolls through his work, chewing her lower lip, her gaze darting over the thumbnail images. “This one.” She clicks on the image, an aerial of a white farmhouse drowning in an expansive cornfield, combines slicing through the rows like an alien invasion. Knowing Erik, I’m sure the corn is genetically modified.

  “Do you mind replacing the monochrome with the farm? Switch them for me; then I’m done with you.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I give her a mock salute, find the framed photo in storage, and dash across the gallery in a sudden rush to get out of there. Aimee’s waiting for me at the café. I work with a smile.

  “You’re cheerful. What’s gotten into you?”

  “I—” I stall, and my grin widens. I point pistol-style at Wendy. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.” I want to share my news with Aimee first. She’ll be thrilled.

  As I take down the monochrome, I think about how we should celebrate, and I get an idea: cocktails and dinner at La Fondue. Parfait! It’s been a few months since we’ve had a night out together. Dinner should help us get back to the way things were before June. It’s time we celebrate us, which makes me think about how we’ll celebrate, especially after we put our four-year-old daughter, Sarah Catherine, to bed. My entire body buzzes.

  Hmm. Maybe I can convince the in-laws to keep little Caty for the night.

  I text my mother-in-law, Catherine Tierney. Caty’s with her now. Hopefully she can stay. I have plans, mature-audience-rated plans, for Aimee and me.

  Slipping my phone into my back pocket, I hang up the white farmhouse photo. The scene transports me back to Idaho where I grew up in a similar house. My dad owns the land, which he inherited from his father. But he doesn’t work it, never has. He leases the acreage because he’s rarely home. I don’t think he wanted to be home, at least not while I lived there. As a sports photographer, Stu Collins chased the next great Hail Mary pass.

  I finish up, put away the tools, and join Wendy at her desk. I check my tactical wristwatch, a recent birthday gift from Aimee. Erik has a meeting with Wendy and he’s late. I was hoping to catch him before I left.

  “What time did Erik say he’s coming in?”

  “He’s not going to make it.” Wendy ty
pes some notes, her goth-painted nails a stark contrast to the cream linen sheath she wears. They blur across the keyboard. “Mercury News sent him on assignment to cover the damage from the Big Sur wildfires. He called while you were outside on your phone. He says he owes you a beer, and he’s bringing me a bottle of Domaine Chandon.”

  “Make sure he does. Don’t let him back out on that.”

  She shoots me a look as if she would ever let that happen. She pauses in her typing and pencils a note in a ledger. “As much as I would have loved Erik to hang his own photographs, I prefer you. You have a good eye for placement.” She looks at the farmhouse on the wall. “Much, much better. OK, you can go now, shoo-shoo. I have a sale to make.” She glances over her shoulder.

  Behind her in the one corner she keeps reserved for her represented artists, no matter the exhibit, a young couple bickers over an image I shot last year in Canyonlands National Park. Their voices have risen above the instrumental jazz softly playing in the background. The man says the photo is his favorite here. His friend—girlfriend, wife?—objects. The color scheme is wrong. It’s not contemporary enough for their newly furnished living room done in dusky blue.

  “Show them Nightscape,” I suggest to Wendy. The photo is a duotone of the San Francisco skyline.

  Wendy nods. “I was thinking the same thing.”

  I kiss her cheek. “Great working for you today. Next time I’m charging for my time,” I tease.

  “You already do. You get a nice payment from me every month.”

  She’s right about that. Wendy sells almost every photo I bring to her.

  I leave the gallery and walk the two blocks in October’s temperate air to Aimee’s Café. The scent of roasted coffee, cinnamon, and baked goods wafts over me when I open the door. I inhale deeply. God, I love that smell.

  I ignore the cursory glances from patrons when the bell above the door alerts them I’m here, and I especially ignore the oil paintings on the wall that butt up against my photography like the person in line who has no concept of personal space. Paintings done by Aimee’s ex-fiancé, James Donato.

  I don’t mind they’re up there. They don’t bother me. Not really.